Hi to all,

I want to thank Ruth for sharing so openly with us what she has been experiencing lately. In response, I want to say that I think Ruth, you are experiencing the full brunt of mourning. I don't think you need professional help for an understandably normal response to losing a son so young. I know of a woman who was a grief counselor by profession and counseled people all of her adult life and when she lost her daughter, as the story has it, she practically had to be hospitalized! There is just no way to get around it. The pain at times is excruciating!

I think that for now, you should not pressure yourself in any way.....It's okay to be a basket case. My son Aaron tells me that I have at least one year to sit on my ass and do nothing if need be. And to hell with anyone who can't understand that. On the other hand, you might consider finding a local bereavement group because baby, you need some nurturing support and as much as I am hoping to provide some of that through this blog site, putting yourself in a space with women, especially other bereaved mothers, might just be the most healing thing you can do for yourself. My friend runs a bereavement group in lower Westchester called Compassionate Friends. I love that name because it describes just what the group provides; friends who have that compassion in good measure.

In an earlier comment you mentioned that many local friends have disappeared. You said it made you wonder if they thought having an adult son with cancer was catching. You may have hit on something there. It is not that people really think that cancer or death are contageous, but because they fear it so, they just go out of their way to avoid dealing with it and that can mean dealing with us. And there are those who believe that if it is in their conscious awareness, that it is actually more more likely to happen. And so their only recourse is to stay away and not get their hands too wet. It is best if we learn to not take this stuff personally for it is not so much about us as it is about them and the fact that their fear out ways their compassion. That is why, at these times, support groups can be very very helpful. No one there is lacking in compassion.

So, dear Ruth, I send my love and compassion and understanding out to you. I also ask for my other readers to hit the keyboard and share whatever support and wisdom you have to offer. We're all in this together.

Till next time, I bid you a fond good evening.
Love,
Sheri