Hi Everyone,
I would really like to think of something else to call you besides "Everyone". As much as I love Stephen Colbert, I can't exactly call you "Nation". But I would like to think of something and I am asking for suggestions. Hi Friends, (boring) Hi Parents, (na) Hi Bereaved Parents, (yuk)
Hi Sirs, standing for still-in-relationship, (maybe)...Help me out here will you? Toss me some ideas through cyberspace. Okay? Thanks. And for anything else that might be on your mind please let us hear from you! I know there are many more of you reading this but not signing in and saying who you are. Understand that for all of us reading and writing on this site, it is an honor to hear from each of you; your stories, your thoughts, your feelings, your experiences. In a earlier blog there are some instructions for signing on, which I hope you will all do, so that you can post what you have to say under comments. In this way we can join forces and become a source of nurture for each other, something that we, as parents have learned to do. With that said, I will move on.

I want to talk about what I call the running dialogue that can flood my mind from time to time but especially when I am feeling extremely sad. I began to notice this happening within a day or two of Danny's passing. That is not to say that it didn't begin earlier, but I didn't notice it. And that is an important statement, because most of this type of stuff is available to all of us but on an inner subtler level and we have to begin to notice it. I understand that my adavntage here is that for 38 years, since the time I was healed by Harry Edwards and his team of healing spirits, I have believed in the presence of spirit. It is my wholehearted belief at this time in my life that personality definitely survives death. So, I am open to it. On the other hand, I am not a gifted psychic and anyone can do this if I can. That said, I will move on.

This is what I began to notice. I was probably thinking of that moment after Jerry kicked the chainlocked door open and we found Danny, dwelling on one of those scenes you should never go to, but know that you will. The pain was so great that I didn't know how I would bear it when I started to hear, "Oh mommy, don't do this to yourself. You're the kindest person I know. Be kinder to yourself. Don't go back there. I'm not there. I wasn't there when you got there. I'm not there now. There's nothing you could have done. This is not your fault. Be kinder to yourself...be kinder". I heard this in my own voice, it's not as if I heard Danny speaking, but I had these thoughts and they comforted me. Not only that, I tried to take the advice and fight the impulse to go back the his apartment in my mind.

I didn't know if this was a message from Dan or if it was from my inner self trying to comfort me but it made me wonder. Danny always used to tell me that I was too kind and that I was the kindest person he knew. I would never have said that to myself. And the message itself was so loving and kind that it made me feel better regardless of where it came from. And, of course, with my background, I'm less inclined than others to doubt it. I know that Danny hasn't been erased from the universe and that he has to be somewhere. I also know that as he is now a spirit without a physical body and I am a spirit in a physical body, and therefore the way we will be able to communicate now is from spirit to spirit where there is receptivity. And to hear the voice of the spirit I would have to listen to what I hear from the inside of myself. I would need to stop looking with my physical eyes for Danny and opening instead to the thoughts and ideas that were appearing on my inner screen.

Whenever I seemed to fall into a deep dark crevace, thoughts of comfort, love and support would enter my mind and I would listen to them and always they made me feel a little better every. Then on July 13, the thoughts were so strong that I felt impelled to write them down. I entitled it:

Words of Wisdom From Dan
You've got to develop a little bit more of the "fuck it" attitude. You can't sweat everything all the time. There is a medium ground between caring and not caring, the middle road where one cares, but not to the point of devastation. You will self destruct. I, in life, leaned too far to the not caring side and therefore could not adaquetly protect myself. You, on the other hand, can swing so far to the caring side that you do the harm to yourself without needing to put anything in your body.

I beg of you to lighten up, for your own sake as well as mine. Remember how you used to say that you are as happy as your most miserable child? Well, your misery can only bring me down because it fills me with remorse. I understand your dilemma but understand mine. If you want to help me, to lift me up, than lift yourself up and you lift us both up. You are a strong woman mom, stronger than you think. Pool all your resources now that have gotten you through in the past. Know that I love you and always will and that you are the one who always said, "Love is the only thing that spans the grave".

There will be time for us to venture forward and for me to join you in your work, as you have always known I would. Give me some time to get my bearings and I will come through for you time and time again. We will grow stronger and in time you will walk with both feet solidly on the ground, knowing that I am by your side at all times.

If you must cry mommy, then cry for all those who are suffering now, they are all over the place; the lost and lonely ones, the poor and hungry ones, the sick and disabled ones, the oppressed and
forsaken ones. Don't cry for me, for I am okay and so are you. This separation, as you see it, is temporary and nothing so tragic has happened here. This is the life we lead, one that incorporates death and surely as it encapsulates birth and one cannot exist without the other.

Go forward in peace and trust that I am with you and that you have not been forsaken, you are only experiencing another facet of life that many have experienced before you and that many shall experience after you, the loss of a child. But those children are only lost to you in the flesh. In spirit each is alive and vital. If only you could see just a small glimpse more than you do. But remember, faith is belief in that which is not visible. If it were self evident, why would there be any need for faith?

I leave you now with the fervent prayer that you rise up and live up to the knowledge that you have worked so hard to cultivate. I know that you will think these are big words for me, but it is your vocabulary that makes this possible. I just send you the impression. You flesh it out in words.

Mommy, I love you more than ever. Can you feel it? Open up your heart and feel it. It is stronger than the pain. Like you always said, love is the strongest, most powerful force in the universe, the only thing that really makes life worth living, SO FEEL IT NOW.

That concludes the Words of Wisdom piece. I have divised a great love exchange exercise that I call "The Love Infusion" which I created shortly after hearing Danny talk about feeling the love between us. I have to end this for now, I will be back soon. Please, let me hear from you.
With love and best wishes,
Sheri